Poor is Okay

Poor is okay as long as everybody is okay. However, today we have a big gap between the haves and haves not. We must challenge the idea that those that are rich are only to be envied and emulated.


We should validate the believe that struggling and taking care of yourself makes you into a better person. However, welfare and assistance does not make life easier. Welfare should not be our primary concern.


It is that widening gap between the rich and the working class. What we are seeing is organization and wealth taking control of our government and they are doing it by preaching about strong american values.


We are slowly creating the same divinity in our rich that kept people suffering for centuries under monarchies. Donald Trump as president is culmination of that and our warning sign.


I am not suggesting that we take away the motivation of wealth. WEe do, however, have to acknowledge that money is power and people are using it to consolidate power. The rich are .right now making our government into Corporatocracy.  They have gerrymandered the voting districts, rolling back regulations put into place to stop corrupt business practices, making their voices the only ones heard in Washington, and destroying the unions.


I do struggle with progressive taxing- taking a larger percentage of income because someone has more. This negates the hard work that many people do to have security and wealth. However, successful people must also acknowledge that it is not just their hard work. Things would be different if not for our country and our security. Our infrastructure and our freedoms.


Their opportunities was created by a environment and that was influenced by our government. Now that they have theirs, they want it to stop before it helps others.pretty good book.jpg


Chat Her Up

Last weekend, after dealing with a talkative best buy employee, my daughter talked about how women had to deal with attention. Men finding reasons to engage with a female and chat her up based on their looks and that they are female.  She stated just as a fact of life.

I think I have always been sensitive to this. I always thought that that woman (girl depending on my age) was getting enough attention.  She didn’t need another guy giving her attention just because she has nice looks.

To be honest, the reason I most likely did that because I did the attention math.  With so many men vying for her attention, a better looking guy was going to win out so why bother.

Is it another truth that the pretty woman ended up with an uggo? Perhaps, but I also could not display the confidence that might attract a woman either.

In my book The Tao of Apathy, I even addressed this with a character who had a name, but was often called “The pretty housekeeper.”  Don’t worry, I did make her a three dimensional, powerful woman. However, she represents the way a pretty woman gets attention at work.

I remember working at a place and a guy telling me of this hot college girl that worked at a factory of the summer.  When it came time for her to go back to school, she got a party and a cake.  At the same time was a guy that retired.  He didn’t get any of that.

I think my daughter is reporting accurately about this. This is where things start and it leads to sexual harassment.

Advocate, Advocate, Advocate

You are your child’s advocate in any level of planning meetings, the professionals do want good things for your child.  But it is within the framework of what is best for themselves and their institution.

My son required quite extensive interventions when he was younger.  In home therapy, early childhood, speech, OT, etc.  We were  blessed that he made so much progress that his needs fell away.  At one point, the only thing addressed on the iep was speech and he did not really need that. It was clear that they wanted to keep him in special education to keep that special education money.

Sometimes, it works the opposite. Professionals want to do what will save money and manpower by not giving your child what they need.

Sometimes the plan they want to enact is simply not a good one for your child. Dealing with Autism, you may not be objective when it comes to your child. Sometimes it will feel like people are judging you.

However, professionals lose their objectivity as well. Seeing themselves as professionals, they believe they are correct on all things.

Even if they begin to cringe when they see you, you have a strong voice in the plan.  If they are not working in the BEST interests of your child, there is a process and ways to fix that.


Life is new when you are new

I think in giving advice to young people, too often we overlook that they are experiencing things for the first time.  From love to heartbreak, we apply our view to how they might feel.


Instead we should validate their feelings. They are strong and teenagers are dramatic because if feels overwhelming. What we can do is explain that things will get easier. With age comes the lesson that heartbreak is not so bad because we have gone through it. We learned that we will be okay.  That good follows it. Then the next time heartbreak happens, it affects us less because it is not the end of the world. It is life. This is not numbness, but an overall appreciation aat looking at our lives as a whole and not just focusing on the heartbreak.


Are Men Pigs

Are men pigs?       In some ways.

But society also teaches us.  Perhaps some men are born assholes.  Other achieve asshole status, and some have it thrust upon them.

How is society set up? First of all, it is set up for woman to be objects and then teaches them its best to keep quiet.

Also, though, it teaches men that they must be bold and confident. That they need to go after what they want. That it is a feather in your cap to go after a woman that other men want and win.

Some of that comes from caveman times. But what if we all learned to look at people from the inside first. That is not so easy. Men’s head will always turn when a nice looking woman comes around. Men are visual creatures (more specific type of creature- pigs).

But we need to teach men not to score with women and keep score. While we teacher our daughters to be strong, independent, and confident, we also need to teach our boys to see beauty, but to look for real genuine relationships.

We would all be better off looking for and enjoying the interaction we have with people. I guess I’m saying we should go about our business, looking for the beauty on the inside and then pursuing a romantic relationship only when both the man and woman feel that spark of chemistry.

Too often men, look for “hotness” and go after that, disregarding whether or not they actually like the woman.

men are pigs

Don’t be a hater Spectrum

That Spectrum commercial where the woman gets cable and her husband turns out to be a dish employee, shows the dish guy as fat slovenly .  It correlates stupid with dish, but also with obese people.

Notice that the spectrum cable guy is slim and cleancut.  He has his shirt tucked in.  Spectrum wants us to like that guy.

Spectrum doesn’t want us to respect the husband who turns out to be a dish network installer. So they make him silly, and chubby.

Its subtle because nowadays they have to be.  But it is there, isn’t it?


chubby guy.jpg

Stories of Grandpa

Saturday, dad and I traded songs via youtube.  He showed me who put the overalls in mrs ___ chowder.  We also listened to Nellie Jack and my blue heaven.  Dad talked about how his dad would come out of his bedroom dancing and singing these two songs.  My dad was emotional as he remembered this. He said Grandpa must have been a romantic.  Other men didn’t want to get married, but he always wanted a family.  Dad said he did too.

I replied that’s what I always wanted as well.

What a gift my father gave to me.  To share and to be vulnerable. And to be emotional.

dad and me.jpg

Adult Supervision


John Elder Robison, author of Look Me In The Eyes, talked about his Asperger’s syndrome going un-diagnosed until adulthood. A great book and in it he talks about the adults being the only ones that interacted with him due to his social skills.
People with autism can be challenging. However, as adults, we can handle it. When behaviors get on our nerves, we need to be the ones that keep them from isolation.
Their behaviors are not a choice to be naughty. They can be organic and they can be learned. They may make comments that are insensitive because they cannot predict how it will be taken.
Those behaviors do not need to be ignored. Depending on the person with autism, they may be thankful that you took the time to explain to them how to be social or why something may be off-putting.

Some problematic behaviors just have to be ignored. However, we need to make sure the person behind those behaviors are also not ignored. You do not know how important you might be to someone without positive relationships. We want people with autism to have friendships. Caring adults may be the only thing keeping them from loneliness.



Know the child

The one thing that bugged me the most at my sons IEPs were the experts that liked to spout information about autism. He needs this as children with autism are low toned. It’s important that you have a lot of knowledge when working with autism. We need experts.
However, it does not help that much in making decisions. In deciding what is best for the child in question. Because every child is different, you need to know the child.
Teachers are taught to respect and include parents in planning meetings. I think they still often fall short. Educators have studied disabilities and accomodations. However, parents are vital because they know the child the best.
Professionals, I think, do not look to the parents for information enough. Research and such is great for guidance, but for every generalization made (yes by me included), there are just as many exceptions.

I know this because at my son’s IEP, I saw how the professionals talked. They did not know that I had that same information. I did not confront them, but I did not need to. They were able to get my child’s educational needs met.
However, at times they missed the mark. The last few years, he did not need an IEP, but frankly, I wanted the school district to get that special education monies.